So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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