my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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