There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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