so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he shaved USA in his pubs
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
