I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
