he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
