He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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