You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
