I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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