Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
two words...techno handjob
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
