I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
