puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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