we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
