my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
