He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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