I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
