i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
