so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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