So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Never underestimate the power of titties
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
