Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
