I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
