I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
