I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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