Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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