I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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