She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
