I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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