This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
