Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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