Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
