You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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