I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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