If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
