I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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