Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
