The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
