I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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