The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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