omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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