He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
