Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
