what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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