you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
