So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
