He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
