I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
