Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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