I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
