Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why is there bacon in the couch?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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