No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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